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Yep. 2017 was trash. Probably the trashiest of trash. From politics to relationships, to emotional and mental fatigue. I didn’t see it coming considering I started the year off fresh with my BA and an internship. Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful for the blessings, support, lessons learned, healthy companionship, and opportunities that took place during 2017, but there were negatives as well. It’s crazy what can fall apart over the course of 365 days.

But I don’t want to dwell on the negative.

In fact, I want to do a lot less of that.

Now, with 2018 approaching us there’s the usual reminder of resolutions. In order to seek a resolution, there must be a causing problem. For some, their problem may be their negative outlook on their weight, so then they make going to the gym their resolution. I have been one of those people, but alas, my crappy commitment skills deter me. I’ve given up on focusing on specifics though. I have a list of bad habits and neglected issues that I wish to resolve. I can’t possibly focus on one. In fact, only focusing on one thing and neglecting other needs in my life is the main reason 2017 sucked so bad. I want to resolve every aspect of my life that I’ve left unattended and become the best version of myself, step by step. Day by day.

So with that being said, my new year’s resolution is to grow.

(I said this last year too, but after the mess that was 2017 I’m taking it seriously this time.)

My ex-pediatrician told me years ago that I won’t be physically growing anymore, but she never said that I can’t grow mentally and emotionally (Always keep your eye out for a loophole, folks.). I am a puzzle, and each piece is vital in order to complete me. I shouldn’t ignore certain pieces because then I’m left unfinished. My mental health is just as important as my physical health. My spiritual appetite is just as important, if not more, than my stomach’s appetite. My emotional wealth is just as important as my financial wealth. My self-care successes are just as important as my academic successes. All of these things come together and create balance, something I’ve been lacking for years due to my own self-neglect. I don’t want to keep ignoring my mind, body, and soul’s constant screams for help, attention, and most of all love. I want to grow in the areas that have been left lonely and continue to grow in the areas that I have done well in. God has given me too much for me to do so little. I need to stop being motivated by laziness, negativity, and fear. In times where I find those things leading me, I’ll find motivation in Joshua 1:9.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

I need to walk in my purpose, even if I’m not fully aware of what it is yet. I may not know it, but I know it’s in God’s hands, so I couldn’t possibly be safer. I need to leap into waters I’ve been too scared to swim. I need to water plants that I let wilt. I need to sing on stages I’ve been too afraid to step foot on. I don’t want to spend my twenties immaturely wandering around, not working at my full potential, and trying to unhealthily fill voids. I want to grow. I want to be a better follower of the Lord, a better daughter, a better sister, friend, student, employee, writer.

And lastly, I want to be a better me for me.

I hope and pray for growth for all of my loved ones and whoever is reading this in whatever area they may need it. I wish everyone a very safe and happy New Year’s Eve. Don’t drink and drive. Ring in the new year with people you want to bring into your 2018.

2017 may have been trash, but it’s time to take it out and move on.

Welcome to my blog. Thank you for going on this journey with me. We’re in for one heck of a ride.

Nothing but mad love,
Ambizzle ❤

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